Food

Being depressed, food is my best friend. It's  always there for me, which is a win lose relationship. I eat, a lot . even though I'm close to 100 lbs. I eat so much food.

Instagram

Instagram is abnormally addicting ! Want a few to getting many likes ? Keep putting new tags !! Delete old ones, put new ones constantly. This refreshes your picture, and shows up more recent for those tags ! You get hundreds of likes if you continue it ! Follow me for more advice @ashbaby195

Sleep overs

Basically, at sleep covers, girls just eat and talk. No pillow fights or bullshit. We act like guys. We burp, and fart, and talk about girls also. Only of you guys knew.

Basic Bitch

Am I the only girl that likes to be a bitch ? I mean, fighting is bad, but you feel powerful when you tell somebody off. You feel like you just put someone in their place. I guess I'm just a basic bitch.

Bad morning.

Why do you say good morning? You wake up, have to move on with your life , and do things you don't want to do. What's the point? Insta. You get a chance to get a break from the world for once and waking up, really sucks. Maybe I should just make the best of this day but I'm already upset. But how is that different from any other day?

Bullshit.

There's a time when enough is enough. My boyfriend constantly adds his ex's, likes there pictures, and now texts them ! No ! I'm done ! Like, you have me, why want them? Aren't I what you want ? I feel like I'm nothing to you. Why can't I be them. I want to be as good as them. Its not fair.. I feel like nothing.

Just tired of being tired.

Life can be tiering. You run run run, and never stop. Sometimes, we need a time out from life's problems. I wish I'd be that easy. Just to sleep all through the bad times, and only wake for the good times. Sadly, life doesn't have that option.

Suicide Note- My definition of Depression.

Pain, hangs over my shoulders. Agony haunts my dreams. Unaware why I'm feeling this way. I lay down, trying to understand how I’m feeling. Everyday, I’m tortured. I have no hope in life, no reason to move on. I have given up on everything. I feel as if I have no purpose in life. Ever think to yourself, who would miss you when you’re gone? For me, nobody is here for me now;therefore, nobody will care that I’m gone. I’m all alone in this world. There is nobody who can understand what I feel. I can be in a room full of multiple people, and still feel alone. I cry with agony, asking for someone to be there for me. Why me? Out of everyone I know, why do I feel this way out of everyone? I can’t be normal. I can’t be happy. I can only be depressed. The pain gets so bad. The mental pain affects my emotions. Is it that hard to smile? I could be so happy one moment, and burst out into tears the next. The pain also affects me physically. My body aches with soreness. My body shakes with anxiety. My stomach cramps with nausea. My eyes feel like 100lbs. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Ending my life feels like the best option. Why continue to live, if you can’t enjoy one day of your life? Everyday for me is hell. I’m hopeless. Why should I continue on? There is no point in life if every day gets worse. I can’t sleep anymore. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, crying about life. I’m restless all day, from the lack of sleep;however, I still can't get rest at night. I’ve lost all my concentration. I gave up on work, I gave up on doing well, I gave up on everything. I don’t have that motivation anymore. I’m not interested in doing anything. I rather stay home and lay down, instead of going out with my friends. I don’t want to do anything anymore.What is the use? I don't mind the constant pain everyday, I just want a purpose in life. Nobody wants me. Nobody wants to be friends with me, nobody wants to be like me, nobody wants to be with me. I just want to be wanted. I just want to mean something to someone. If I don't have a purpose in my life, can I be someone else’s purpose at least? Make me feel like i'm not alone. That someone is there for me, as i am also there for them.

I'm sorry for the pain I caused everybody else. I don't mean to hurt you guys I love you all. I'm sorry for being the way I am. I sorry for when I am. I sadly can't control it. Im sorry. It will all end soon. My life will be in the hands of the devil as I'm dragged into his land, I willingly go. My days will come to an end, and the annoyance of having me around with be over with. I'm sorry... Goodbye everyone. I love you Raymond. I'm sorry. The pain is too strong to handle.. I guess you were right, I am weak.

Anyone Out There?

Is there anyone there? I don't have a follower, barely any page views! Gimme tips on what to write. I Promise i'll give my feed back asap. Hello?!

Wanna Know A Secret About Suicide?

Sometimes, you feel so low, you rather die. You get frustrated, and anger builds inside you. You plan to commit suicide. You get scared and nervous. You start to shake and sweat because the thought of killing your self is scary enough. You finally get the balls to do it... but STOP. Statistics show, when you kill your self, you feel the same way as you do before. Media have asked survivors of suicide to say if they felt better once the tried, all said no.. They regretted when they did once they tried to die. They felt the same amount of pain as they did before. Why die unhappy. Why not try to work problems out and continue your life? This is true, not any lie. You may be a strong person, but you're weak if you want to end your pain. Be a strong person and continue the journey, everything is a learning experience.

Starting To Get Personal- Tattoos, The Harsh Way

I recently gave myself a tattoo. Stupid right? Well, the problem is, my boyfriend hates it. Yet, I love it. Its the Japanese symbols for inner strength. I think it's so pretty, but my boyfriend wanted to leave me for it. Why? Shouldn't he love me for me? He say's it's not about the looks, but it seems like it is. To me, guys are confusing. Ive been trying to get off this stupid tattoo for so long ! And it's hurting me ! Can't I just be myself and do what I want to my body? Want any ideas for tattoos? Or info on how to tattoo yourself? Just comment. It's an easy thing if you're impatient like me. Make sure you're allowed to do it though !

Think you're alone ?

Nobody is alone. May sound creepy, but i mean the way you feel. Somebody else in the world just went through what you did. Some may have lost a family member, or even a pet, their parents have got a divorce, relationships may have ended, and dreams may have been crushed. Everyone thinks they are abnormal. The thing is, every house-hold in america has problems. The ironic thing is, that family, thinks all other family's don't have problems, and are normal and perfect. That is all false. Everyone has problems. People around you may have something in common with you. Share with the people you trust, you may find out you're not alone after all. Don't think you're wrong in society. You're normal. Everyone has problems, yet they believe others don't. Know you're not alone.

Not Motivated ? Just Do It ;p

@ashbaby195

School finally just ended and I want to change. I want to get fit , look nice, act nice, fight my depression, go out , and no. None of that is probably going to happen. In our minds, we get motivated, for example, working out. I’ll be saying ‘I want to look like her ! I’m going on a diet !’ while i have a tub of ice cream in my hands. Maybe sometimes, i'll actually start doing what i want, ill start working out, but then i forget, I’m lazy. It’s the beginning of summer, i should actually try to do something and stick to it for once. On Instagram, i did a post so the likes i get, i do that many exercises. There's no way in hell i'm doing that. Its all false hope. Starting today, i'm working out. You want to do something? DO IT. Get off your lazy butt and do it. Stop dragging your feet. When you drag your feet, things don't get done. Even small things like cleaning your room, just do it to get it over with. The outcome will be amazing. The main thing is, stop being lazy. Nearly the whole population is lazy. Get up and do something. I know youre lazy. Just Do It !

New Thing, New Start, Welcome

School ended, and I'm going to let you into my mind. You'll read what i think, and what i do as a depressed teenager of the 21st century. Life sucks sometimes. And you need to know, other people are going through what you do, you may think you're alone, but you're not. I'm here, and ready to share my everyday life. Everything personal.